Saying Yes!

It's 11.30 on a Monday and I am sat in a large room on the upper floor of a low rise in the lively Goan yoga town of Arambol. The morning is hot and the humidity is already building, typical of any March morning as the west indian summer builds in its momentum. I am sharing this space with close to forty Russian strangers, all here to participate in the ancient Indian esoteric tradition of Tantra; in a class that I am told will last anything from two to four hours, and to make things really interesting the class is all in Russian!

As I fumble to assume Sukhasana, the foundational cross legged yoga position I am asked by the teacher (in Russian) why I am there and what do I want to get out of the session. I am suddenly thankful for the multiple air conditioning units that line the walls of the large now fully curtained room. I smile and begin to explain. The reasoning for this wildly out of character decision is a piece of advice I got from a good friend on the notion of travelling alone...just say yes...to everything actually!

I am currently alone in India. Paradoxical, I appreciate, in a country of close to one and a half billion people but after a month travelling with friends through Sri Lanka I needed and wanted some time for myself. I spent three months in India lasted year but in some fairly important ways I felt like I never experienced it or connected with it as I should have. And the more I think about it, the more I realise it's perhaps because I wasn't alone.

I have never really travelled alone. Rightfully or wrongfully I have always wanted to surround rather than isolate myself when venturing into something new. There is after all, safety in numbers. Being in a group often means not thinking for yourself. There is inevitably one fastidious planner hidden in the ranks that will have every detail of the time you took off booked for you, even before you arrive at the airport. Less able planners, or those who have left such arrangements to chance are swept along in the maelstrom of other people's "good" ideas. The bonds of your common friendship perhaps stopping you from speaking up and thus not really getting what you want from the experience.

There is of course the middle ground of joining a group holiday. Here in India, singles yoga holidays are an established practice. From Rishikhesh to Kerala there are opportunities to join Ashrams and Shalas where you can meet likeminded people sharing a common interest and enjoying the structure of a day to day programme. But what if there is no programme, what if there is no group breakfast to share your stories of how you ended up here, what you do for a living... how you slept? Being on your own I am finding requires a certain type discipline. Of course should you wish you can lie in your bed all day under the rotating blades of a dodgy ceiling fan, hiding yourself from the world but that's hardly the point.

Rather it's a better idea to take a seat somewhere beautiful, watching a sunrise or a sunset. Perhaps meditation to set your mind. Invariably life comes to you. A good friend told me while travelling in Sri Lanka that if you surrender your energy to being alone and embrace the opportunity, as long as you are open to it, then you will find your way.

A day on your own is a unique opportunity. Noone is picking you up in an hour, or meeting you somewhere later on. you work at your own pace. There are tools and practices that I have am finding are useful in setting your your day, waking early, a cold shower, and I'm slowly learning the value of morning meditation.

Then to head out into the early morning sunshine, perhaps joining a yoga practice, perhaps just having a strong coffee while watching the morning waves. I like to use this time to write...my thoughts are sharper for some reason in the morning breeze. Less screen time, less wasting time, I look for connection...with nature, with people, with my mind. I am trying to reset, to affect permanent change through this time alone and to make the most of this opportunity.

Some days are slow and that in itself is a gift. Your priorities are unincumbered by the expectations of others. Perhaps you clean your space, taking care to create an environment you want to return to later, perhaps you go for a walk on the beach, perhaps you spend the whole day basking in the summer sun finally reading that book.

I think the key thing for me is that time alone gives you an opportunity to observe your thoughts as opposed to living inside your own head. I am finding that to indulge in this alone time is to begin a daily journey of mindfulness. I am learning through the early stages of practicing meditation the idea of observing your thoughts. To allow thoughts to ener your consciencenss and to simply observe them without judgement, then to take the time to think about where they came from and why they are present, again without judgement. To simply stop and focus on being more present with the world around you, more thankful and through that to develop a deeper understanding of who you are.

Days alone here in India are driven by opportunity rather than routine and schedule. If you are feeling worn out, take a pool day, have a massage, feeling restless, there is pilates, hiit beach classes or maybe you ask the local boys to join their beach volleyball game.  Through spending time alone, connection is my only priority, connection with others but more importantly connection with myself. To assuage my fears and doubts and remind myself of who I am and the journey I am taking, and have taken. To see in myself what other sometimes see and to strengthen myself and my mind for what comes next.

On my first night alone in Goa I happened on a beautiful little restaurant set on a wooden deck overlooking the beach. I chose a table and sat alone watching a prayer circle of friends and my heart was suddenly full of hope and thanks. Watching this group of happy souls sitting in the sand clapping and singing Hare Krishna mantras while the Goan sun slipped into the ocean. It was beautiful. At that moment they appeared free, aware only of their obligation to the group dynamic, unaware of the unimportant.

Later that evening I was invited join a table of existing friends and remembering my travelling companions advice I said yes. They were a multicultural, multi nationality group bonded by their love of Goa and the beach. Confident people, young and old, well adjusted through solo travel and devoid of social awkwardness. Through talking to them I noticed something, I actually had something to say! Ten years ago, living in the UK I would have struggled. Work more or less defined me and I barely had time for anything else of interest. Head down, bum up, stay with my people. If people did speak up conversations were acquiesced rather than encouraged. But with these new people I am learning to lean into my story and my background. The last ten years of my life, the travels, the decisions, punctuating the two and fro conversation as they shared the stories of their lives and the choices that shaped them.

We ate light, food wasn't really the point, it was the background to our connection and sustainance after our day. We shared stories after our plates were cleared, laughed and found connection. And then it happened I was asked somewhere towards the end of the night if I wanted to go to a Tantra class with one of my new friends "Sure" I replied, ...but it's all in Russian...I thought about it .... "sure" I reiterated, half hoping that there would be a translator..."and there is no translation are you sure"...I smiled "yes...I'm sure" !